1
00:00:03,002 --> 00:00:05,436
[♪]
2
00:01:14,040 --> 00:01:17,042
[aretha franklin's
"respect" playing]
3
00:01:23,282 --> 00:01:25,183
[lip-synching]
♪ what you want ♪
4
00:01:25,184 --> 00:01:27,852
♪ baby, I got ♪
5
00:01:27,853 --> 00:01:29,620
♪ what you need ♪
6
00:01:29,621 --> 00:01:32,090
♪ do you know I got it? ♪
7
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♪ all I'm askin' ♪
8
00:01:33,993 --> 00:01:36,695
♪ is for a little respect
when you come home ♪
9
00:01:36,696 --> 00:01:38,830
♪ hey, baby ♪
♪ just a little bit ♪
10
00:01:38,831 --> 00:01:41,232
♪ when you come home ♪
♪ just a little bit ♪
11
00:01:41,233 --> 00:01:44,402
♪ mister ♪
♪ just a little bit ♪
12
00:01:44,403 --> 00:01:47,138
♪ I ain't gonna do you wrong
while you're gone... ♪
13
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This is so sad.
14
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Look at her.
15
00:01:50,475 --> 00:01:51,876
Every year,
it's the same thing.
16
00:01:51,877 --> 00:01:55,146
Yup. The birthday hop.
17
00:01:55,147 --> 00:01:56,647
♪ r-e-s-p-e-c-t ♪
18
00:01:56,648 --> 00:01:58,683
♪ find out what
it means to me ♪
19
00:01:58,684 --> 00:02:01,319
♪ r-e-s-p-e-c-t ♪
20
00:02:01,320 --> 00:02:03,054
♪ take out t-c-p ♪
21
00:02:03,055 --> 00:02:05,289
♪ oh ♪
♪ sock it to me ♪
22
00:02:05,290 --> 00:02:07,225
♪ a little respect ♪
23
00:02:07,226 --> 00:02:08,693
♪ whoa ♪
24
00:02:08,694 --> 00:02:10,995
♪ a little respect ♪
♪ just a little bit ♪
25
00:02:10,996 --> 00:02:12,530
You'd think
she'd learn,
26
00:02:12,531 --> 00:02:13,664
But every year,
27
00:02:13,665 --> 00:02:15,100
She turns
on the oldies station,
28
00:02:15,101 --> 00:02:16,534
Cranks it up real loud,
29
00:02:16,535 --> 00:02:20,538
And dances the dances
of our forefathers.
30
00:02:20,539 --> 00:02:21,572
Oh, and then,
31
00:02:21,573 --> 00:02:22,841
She realizes
how old she is
32
00:02:22,842 --> 00:02:24,042
And gets depressed.
33
00:02:24,043 --> 00:02:25,043
Watch.
34
00:02:25,044 --> 00:02:26,410
Dj:
Remember that one?
35
00:02:26,411 --> 00:02:29,680
If you do, you must be 100,
36
00:02:29,681 --> 00:02:31,783
Because it was
over 20 years ago.
37
00:02:31,784 --> 00:02:33,484
That was one for you, grandma!
38
00:02:35,254 --> 00:02:37,388
So sad. So sad.
39
00:02:37,389 --> 00:02:39,124
Bud, if I ever
get that old
40
00:02:39,125 --> 00:02:40,125
And act like that,
41
00:02:40,126 --> 00:02:42,127
Would you please
shoot me?
42
00:02:42,128 --> 00:02:44,295
Why wait?
43
00:02:44,296 --> 00:02:45,496
Hi, mom.
44
00:02:45,497 --> 00:02:46,497
Hi, mom.
45
00:02:46,498 --> 00:02:49,567
Leave me alone.
46
00:02:49,568 --> 00:02:52,336
Hi, peg.
47
00:02:52,337 --> 00:02:53,504
How you doing?
48
00:02:53,505 --> 00:02:55,907
How am I doing?
49
00:02:55,908 --> 00:02:57,142
It's my birthday,
50
00:02:57,143 --> 00:02:59,978
And you have the audacity
to ask me how I'm doing?
51
00:02:59,979 --> 00:03:00,979
[sighs]
52
00:03:00,980 --> 00:03:03,581
The best years
of my life are over.
53
00:03:03,582 --> 00:03:09,353
And the worst part is
I spent them with you.
54
00:03:09,354 --> 00:03:11,189
By the way, al,
55
00:03:11,190 --> 00:03:13,557
Am I still attractive?
56
00:03:13,558 --> 00:03:15,526
Peg, you're still
the same knee in the groin
57
00:03:15,527 --> 00:03:17,128
You were
when you were 16.
58
00:03:18,831 --> 00:03:20,064
I don't believe you.
59
00:03:20,065 --> 00:03:22,867
You didn't say it
with feeling.
60
00:03:22,868 --> 00:03:26,237
You are an insensitive hog
of a man.
61
00:03:26,238 --> 00:03:28,539
Ooh, I've gotta do
something
62
00:03:28,540 --> 00:03:31,542
To shake
these birthday blues.
63
00:03:31,543 --> 00:03:33,344
I know.
Give me money.
64
00:03:33,345 --> 00:03:35,713
I'm gonna shop
till you drop.
65
00:03:37,850 --> 00:03:38,950
Oh, by the way, al,
66
00:03:38,951 --> 00:03:40,551
This does not get
you off the hook
67
00:03:40,552 --> 00:03:41,552
For a present,
68
00:03:41,553 --> 00:03:42,553
And this year,
69
00:03:42,554 --> 00:03:43,788
I want
something different.
70
00:03:43,789 --> 00:03:46,958
Oh, peg, I only know
how to do it one way.
71
00:03:48,794 --> 00:03:49,794
And one day,
72
00:03:49,795 --> 00:03:51,495
Maybe you'll
get it right.
73
00:03:53,665 --> 00:03:54,665
No, honey.
74
00:03:54,666 --> 00:03:56,000
This year,
I want something
75
00:03:56,001 --> 00:03:59,838
That lasts longer
than three minutes.
76
00:03:59,839 --> 00:04:01,206
I want a real gift.
77
00:04:01,207 --> 00:04:03,208
I want you
to spend money on me, al.
78
00:04:03,209 --> 00:04:05,310
Peg, I have
no more money.
79
00:04:05,311 --> 00:04:08,213
That doesn't stop me
from spending it.
80
00:04:08,214 --> 00:04:11,115
God, do I have to do
everything around here?
81
00:04:15,787 --> 00:04:16,787
Hi, dad.
82
00:04:16,788 --> 00:04:18,857
Hi, dad.
83
00:04:18,858 --> 00:04:21,893
Kids, why didn't you tell me
it was your mother's birthday?
84
00:04:21,894 --> 00:04:23,794
I wouldn't have come home.
85
00:04:25,364 --> 00:04:27,498
Dad, do you know
what we love about you?
86
00:04:27,499 --> 00:04:28,799
How could I?
87
00:04:28,800 --> 00:04:31,035
It's that you're old,
but it's okay.
88
00:04:31,036 --> 00:04:33,437
Yeah,
like popeye.
89
00:04:33,438 --> 00:04:35,639
You yam
what you yam.
90
00:04:35,640 --> 00:04:37,208
You're
the greatest, dad.
91
00:04:37,209 --> 00:04:38,576
[chuckles]
92
00:04:38,577 --> 00:04:39,443
I'm broke, son.
93
00:04:41,280 --> 00:04:42,446
Don't call me "son."
94
00:04:45,017 --> 00:04:46,985
Kelly, let me
ask you a question.
95
00:04:46,986 --> 00:04:48,186
Daddy, no matter
what you heard
96
00:04:48,187 --> 00:04:49,187
On the streets,
97
00:04:49,188 --> 00:04:50,188
I'm a good girl,
98
00:04:50,189 --> 00:04:51,589
And I never would have
done that.
99
00:04:51,590 --> 00:04:53,758
No, no, no.
It's about your mother.
100
00:04:53,759 --> 00:04:54,959
Daddy, no matter
what you heard
101
00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:55,960
On the streets,
102
00:04:55,961 --> 00:04:57,428
She's a good girl
and she never--
103
00:04:57,429 --> 00:05:00,031
No! I want to talk
about her birthday.
104
00:05:00,032 --> 00:05:02,233
I don't know
what to get your mother.
105
00:05:02,234 --> 00:05:05,736
Maybe your being a girl
will come in handy for once.
106
00:05:05,737 --> 00:05:06,837
Any ideas?
107
00:05:06,838 --> 00:05:10,375
Well, it's not as easy
as it sounds, dad.
108
00:05:10,376 --> 00:05:13,011
She's real down
about this age thing.
109
00:05:13,012 --> 00:05:14,445
You've got to
understand something.
110
00:05:14,446 --> 00:05:17,515
Mom was around
before I was even born.
111
00:05:17,516 --> 00:05:19,284
It's harder
for a woman to get old.
112
00:05:19,285 --> 00:05:20,919
There's so many more
places to sag.
113
00:05:20,920 --> 00:05:23,021
You know, I've seen
those college girls
114
00:05:23,022 --> 00:05:24,522
Just starting to age.
115
00:05:24,523 --> 00:05:27,892
The little lines they get around
their eyes when they smile,
116
00:05:27,893 --> 00:05:31,595
The hair on their knuckles
starting to darken,
117
00:05:31,596 --> 00:05:33,831
The fear in their face
as they find themselves
118
00:05:33,832 --> 00:05:37,001
Staring at the big 2-5.
119
00:05:37,002 --> 00:05:39,237
Well, I guess what
I'm trying to say here
120
00:05:39,238 --> 00:05:41,505
Is that--
121
00:05:41,506 --> 00:05:43,474
Wait.
What was the question?
122
00:05:45,811 --> 00:05:47,611
Yeah, I'd like
to get some flowers
123
00:05:47,612 --> 00:05:49,080
For my wife's birthday.
124
00:05:49,081 --> 00:05:51,549
What can I get for $3.95?
125
00:05:53,819 --> 00:05:56,787
Well, how much for some seeds?
126
00:05:56,788 --> 00:05:58,122
Hello?
127
00:05:58,123 --> 00:05:59,690
Hello?
128
00:06:02,094 --> 00:06:03,094
Oh...
129
00:06:03,095 --> 00:06:05,529
Oh, hi, peg. How you doing?
130
00:06:05,530 --> 00:06:07,398
I feel so empty.
131
00:06:07,399 --> 00:06:10,701
I shopped and I shopped,
and I still couldn't get happy.
132
00:06:10,702 --> 00:06:12,337
Look at all this junk.
133
00:06:12,338 --> 00:06:14,672
I don't even want half of it.
134
00:06:14,673 --> 00:06:16,874
Oh. And as if I wasn't
depressed enough,
135
00:06:16,875 --> 00:06:19,677
Something horrible happened
while I was out shopping.
136
00:06:19,678 --> 00:06:21,745
You accidentally
bought something for me?
137
00:06:21,746 --> 00:06:24,983
No. Worse than that.
138
00:06:24,984 --> 00:06:27,918
They discontinued my bra.
139
00:06:27,919 --> 00:06:31,655
I told you
not to wear it out in public.
140
00:06:31,656 --> 00:06:35,493
No, you damn shoe salesman.
141
00:06:35,494 --> 00:06:36,694
They stopped making it.
142
00:06:36,695 --> 00:06:41,532
My fancy figure 327
is a thing of the past.
143
00:06:41,533 --> 00:06:43,101
Oh, al...
144
00:06:43,102 --> 00:06:45,470
What's gonna become
of my breasts?
145
00:06:45,471 --> 00:06:48,806
I love how my bosom looks
in the fancy figure 327.
146
00:06:48,807 --> 00:06:51,842
It lifts. It cradles.
147
00:06:51,843 --> 00:06:53,244
Al...
148
00:06:53,245 --> 00:06:56,080
That is the only style bra
I have ever worn.
149
00:06:56,081 --> 00:06:57,815
Come on, peg.
150
00:06:57,816 --> 00:07:00,518
The guys will
look good in anything.
151
00:07:00,519 --> 00:07:03,087
You mean that, al?
152
00:07:03,088 --> 00:07:05,556
You'll still love
your little squeezies?
153
00:07:05,557 --> 00:07:07,258
[chuckles]
154
00:07:07,259 --> 00:07:09,293
Well, sure, peg,
155
00:07:09,294 --> 00:07:10,861
But promise
to keep them locked up
156
00:07:10,862 --> 00:07:12,830
Till the sun goes down.
157
00:07:12,831 --> 00:07:14,232
Well...
158
00:07:14,233 --> 00:07:16,100
I'm gonna have to do
something about it
159
00:07:16,101 --> 00:07:17,335
Sooner or later,
160
00:07:17,336 --> 00:07:22,273
So I bought
15 different bras.
161
00:07:22,274 --> 00:07:24,375
This is the only one
that comes close...
162
00:07:24,376 --> 00:07:29,514
The maxi-force 911
ez loader.
163
00:07:29,515 --> 00:07:30,714
What do you think?
164
00:07:30,715 --> 00:07:31,916
Well, I'm thinking
on my birthday,
165
00:07:31,917 --> 00:07:33,518
Do I run to you
with my underwear,
166
00:07:33,519 --> 00:07:34,885
Looking for help?
167
00:07:34,886 --> 00:07:36,987
Well, maybe you should.
168
00:07:36,988 --> 00:07:38,022
Then I could tell you
169
00:07:38,023 --> 00:07:39,990
That the bigger hole
goes in front.
170
00:07:45,464 --> 00:07:48,232
Yeah, peg,
I sense you're in a mood here.
171
00:07:48,233 --> 00:07:49,633
You know, it's just
a stinking bra.
172
00:07:49,634 --> 00:07:51,001
Who cares?
173
00:07:51,002 --> 00:07:54,372
Let me explain it to you
so you'll understand.
174
00:07:54,373 --> 00:07:55,373
You know how you like
175
00:07:55,374 --> 00:07:57,442
To stick your finger
in your ear?
176
00:07:57,443 --> 00:07:59,210
Well, just suppose
that one day
177
00:07:59,211 --> 00:08:00,478
That ear closed up
178
00:08:00,479 --> 00:08:02,146
And the finger
didn't fit anymore.
179
00:08:02,147 --> 00:08:03,414
I'd use your fingers,
180
00:08:03,415 --> 00:08:04,549
Like I do
when you're sleeping.
181
00:08:07,252 --> 00:08:09,787
Doesn't anyone
understand?
182
00:08:09,788 --> 00:08:11,956
Peggy...
183
00:08:11,957 --> 00:08:13,491
I just heard
about your bra.
184
00:08:13,492 --> 00:08:15,693
I'm so sorry.
185
00:08:15,694 --> 00:08:17,161
Do you have a backup?
186
00:08:18,430 --> 00:08:19,430
No.
187
00:08:19,431 --> 00:08:21,099
Tsk-tsk-tsk-tsk.
188
00:08:21,100 --> 00:08:23,667
Peggy, you have got
to plan ahead.
189
00:08:23,668 --> 00:08:25,303
Now, I have a backup,
190
00:08:25,304 --> 00:08:28,806
And I break it in gradually
so it's not such a shock,
191
00:08:28,807 --> 00:08:30,341
And I'm always out scouting.
192
00:08:30,342 --> 00:08:33,611
The pretty petite 204
looks promising.
193
00:08:33,612 --> 00:08:35,846
Oh, but that's more of
a power bra.
194
00:08:35,847 --> 00:08:37,081
What you need
195
00:08:37,082 --> 00:08:40,050
Is a nice, all-purpose
utility bra.
196
00:08:40,051 --> 00:08:42,153
Mmm, but with more women
joining the workforce,
197
00:08:42,154 --> 00:08:43,321
Those are hard to find.
198
00:08:43,322 --> 00:08:45,456
Oh, tell me about it.
199
00:08:45,457 --> 00:08:47,057
I don't know
why we even need bras.
200
00:08:47,058 --> 00:08:48,493
Well, I think
201
00:08:48,494 --> 00:08:51,596
It's to keep your breasts
off the plate when you eat.
202
00:08:58,036 --> 00:09:00,605
You know, if we put
an apple in his mouth,
203
00:09:00,606 --> 00:09:03,040
We could have
a luau.
204
00:09:03,041 --> 00:09:04,842
No. He's got to go
to work tomorrow
205
00:09:04,843 --> 00:09:06,710
And earn that big money.
206
00:09:06,711 --> 00:09:09,079
[ladies laugh]
207
00:09:09,080 --> 00:09:10,080
[sighs]
208
00:09:10,081 --> 00:09:11,815
You know
who we have to blame
209
00:09:11,816 --> 00:09:13,117
For this whole
bra problem?
210
00:09:13,118 --> 00:09:14,118
Me?
211
00:09:14,119 --> 00:09:16,720
No, men.
212
00:09:16,721 --> 00:09:18,422
They design
and manufacture bras
213
00:09:18,423 --> 00:09:20,057
Not for the bosoms
that we have,
214
00:09:20,058 --> 00:09:21,592
But for the bosoms
that they want.
215
00:09:21,593 --> 00:09:22,793
Do you know
what would happen
216
00:09:22,794 --> 00:09:23,794
If men had breasts?
217
00:09:23,795 --> 00:09:25,796
We wouldn't need women anymore?
218
00:09:27,766 --> 00:09:29,567
And if you had
what other men have,
219
00:09:29,568 --> 00:09:33,271
I wouldn't need
batteries anymore.
220
00:09:38,377 --> 00:09:40,578
That's what happened
to my diehard!
221
00:09:42,514 --> 00:09:44,582
Come on, peggy,
let's go upstairs
222
00:09:44,583 --> 00:09:45,783
And see
if we can piece
223
00:09:45,784 --> 00:09:46,984
Some of your
old bras together.
224
00:09:46,985 --> 00:09:48,352
That should
tide you over
225
00:09:48,353 --> 00:09:49,887
Till you can break in
a replacement.
226
00:09:49,888 --> 00:09:52,490
Oh, marcy,
what am I gonna do?
227
00:09:52,491 --> 00:09:54,292
That bra was
the only thing in this house
228
00:09:54,293 --> 00:09:56,694
That felt good
when it held me.
229
00:09:58,863 --> 00:10:00,164
[knocks on door]
230
00:10:05,103 --> 00:10:06,103
I'm glad
you're here.
231
00:10:06,104 --> 00:10:08,272
I need a bra, steve.
232
00:10:09,808 --> 00:10:12,410
Some makeup wouldn't hurt,
either.
233
00:10:12,411 --> 00:10:14,845
I'm in real trouble
here, steve.
234
00:10:14,846 --> 00:10:17,315
They discontinued
my wife's bra,
235
00:10:17,316 --> 00:10:20,551
Yet my wife lives on.
236
00:10:20,552 --> 00:10:22,453
If I don't get her
a good birthday present,
237
00:10:22,454 --> 00:10:23,854
I'm in big trouble.
238
00:10:23,855 --> 00:10:24,988
It could get ugly.
239
00:10:24,989 --> 00:10:25,989
She could want affection.
240
00:10:25,990 --> 00:10:27,291
As we know,
241
00:10:27,292 --> 00:10:30,595
Affection is just
a hammerlock away from sex.
242
00:10:30,596 --> 00:10:31,662
So, what's the problem?
243
00:10:31,663 --> 00:10:32,963
Just get her her old bra,
244
00:10:32,964 --> 00:10:35,199
And you can hang up the big guy
for another year.
245
00:10:35,200 --> 00:10:36,400
That's a nice dream,
steve,
246
00:10:36,401 --> 00:10:38,102
But I can't do it.
247
00:10:38,103 --> 00:10:39,470
She's looked
everywhere in town.
248
00:10:39,471 --> 00:10:41,171
She can't find
that bra.
249
00:10:41,172 --> 00:10:43,708
Ah, but she hasn't tried
francine's of hollywood
250
00:10:43,709 --> 00:10:45,610
In oconomowoc,
wisconsin.
251
00:10:45,611 --> 00:10:47,111
It's the ultimate
lingerie store.
252
00:10:47,112 --> 00:10:49,747
That's where I send
for those special, um...
253
00:10:49,748 --> 00:10:51,849
Items I get for marcy.
254
00:10:51,850 --> 00:10:53,584
Do you think
they'd have her bra?
255
00:10:53,585 --> 00:10:55,018
Their motto is,
256
00:10:55,019 --> 00:10:57,588
"if you've got the boulders,
we've got the holders."
257
00:10:57,589 --> 00:11:00,291
It's a long way
to go though, isn't it?
258
00:11:00,292 --> 00:11:02,526
Peggy:
Oh, they don't look right!
259
00:11:02,527 --> 00:11:04,828
Al, come up here and hold me.
260
00:11:04,829 --> 00:11:05,730
I'll drive.
261
00:11:24,650 --> 00:11:26,016
I knew women
looked like this.
262
00:11:26,017 --> 00:11:27,485
I knew it.
I knew it.
263
00:11:30,088 --> 00:11:31,322
Excuse me, sir.
264
00:11:31,323 --> 00:11:32,323
Would you know
265
00:11:32,324 --> 00:11:33,857
Where they put
the bun sparkle?
266
00:11:33,858 --> 00:11:37,361
I think they keep that
in the produce department.
267
00:11:37,362 --> 00:11:38,362
Thanks.
268
00:11:38,363 --> 00:11:43,000
Whoa! So many things I want.
269
00:11:49,474 --> 00:11:51,074
May I help you?
270
00:11:51,075 --> 00:11:53,110
Uh, yes. We'd like
to buy some breasts.
271
00:11:53,111 --> 00:11:55,245
Er, bras.
272
00:11:56,381 --> 00:11:58,783
And breasts.
273
00:11:58,784 --> 00:12:02,586
Actually, uh,
we're up from chi-town.
274
00:12:02,587 --> 00:12:05,423
We're interested
in the fancy figure 327
275
00:12:05,424 --> 00:12:06,457
For my friend here.
276
00:12:06,458 --> 00:12:07,792
Size?
277
00:12:07,793 --> 00:12:09,794
Oh, gee, I don't know, uh...
278
00:12:09,795 --> 00:12:11,696
About this tall.
279
00:12:11,697 --> 00:12:12,963
Oh, I see.
280
00:12:12,964 --> 00:12:14,365
Don't be embarrassed.
281
00:12:14,366 --> 00:12:16,534
We often cater
to people like you.
282
00:12:16,535 --> 00:12:18,168
Now, what size
283
00:12:18,169 --> 00:12:20,671
Does your boyfriend
like to see you in?
284
00:12:22,341 --> 00:12:23,474
No, no, no!
285
00:12:23,475 --> 00:12:25,008
You don't--
you don't understand.
286
00:12:25,009 --> 00:12:26,076
We're married.
287
00:12:26,077 --> 00:12:27,144
Not to each other!
288
00:12:27,145 --> 00:12:30,013
To, uh...Women.
289
00:12:30,014 --> 00:12:31,315
And if I was gay,
290
00:12:31,316 --> 00:12:33,684
I'd like to think
I could do better than him.
291
00:12:41,092 --> 00:12:43,126
What's that
supposed to mean?
292
00:12:43,127 --> 00:12:46,964
You don't turn me on.
There, I said it.
293
00:12:46,965 --> 00:12:49,166
Anyway, I'm looking for a bra
for my wife,
294
00:12:49,167 --> 00:12:52,536
Who is a woman...Sort of.
295
00:12:52,537 --> 00:12:54,739
Well, then, I'll need to
know her cup size.
296
00:12:56,641 --> 00:12:58,376
Is she my size?
297
00:13:02,848 --> 00:13:05,215
Sir?
298
00:13:05,216 --> 00:13:06,484
Oh, I'm sorry.
299
00:13:06,485 --> 00:13:10,087
I was sweating into my eyes.
300
00:13:10,088 --> 00:13:11,121
What did you say?
301
00:13:11,122 --> 00:13:12,623
What's her cup size?
302
00:13:12,624 --> 00:13:14,191
Oh, like, uh...
303
00:13:14,192 --> 00:13:16,159
Oh, miss, excuse me.
304
00:13:16,160 --> 00:13:17,762
Could you help us out
here a minute?
305
00:13:17,763 --> 00:13:18,763
Sure.
306
00:13:18,764 --> 00:13:20,998
Um...Um.
307
00:13:22,200 --> 00:13:23,300
What do you think,
steve,
308
00:13:23,301 --> 00:13:24,435
About like this?
309
00:13:24,436 --> 00:13:27,037
I'm not speaking to you.
310
00:13:29,107 --> 00:13:30,741
Uh...
311
00:13:30,742 --> 00:13:31,876
I'm sorry, sir,
312
00:13:31,877 --> 00:13:33,878
But I'm gonna have to
take them away now.
313
00:13:33,879 --> 00:13:35,679
We have to try on
some stuff.
314
00:13:35,680 --> 00:13:36,714
Oh...
315
00:13:36,715 --> 00:13:38,482
Anyhow, they're
about like this.
316
00:13:38,483 --> 00:13:40,584
Oh, 36c.
317
00:13:40,585 --> 00:13:41,819
You're a lucky man.
318
00:13:41,820 --> 00:13:44,722
Yeah, if they came à la carte.
319
00:13:44,723 --> 00:13:46,724
Just give me 10.
320
00:13:46,725 --> 00:13:47,625
Okay.
321
00:13:51,195 --> 00:13:55,866
Let's see the japanese build
a better one of those.
322
00:14:00,171 --> 00:14:01,906
Steve, aren't you
ashamed of yourself?
323
00:14:01,907 --> 00:14:02,973
Huh?
324
00:14:04,142 --> 00:14:06,176
Oh, come on, al.
She was asking for it.
325
00:14:06,177 --> 00:14:08,345
You see how she's dressed.
326
00:14:08,346 --> 00:14:09,880
Al, I'm feeling
a little fevered.
327
00:14:09,881 --> 00:14:12,282
I'm just gonna go over there
and cool off.
328
00:14:19,691 --> 00:14:21,525
Hey, pops.
329
00:14:21,526 --> 00:14:23,026
How they hanging?
330
00:14:23,027 --> 00:14:24,695
Not too bad, son.
331
00:14:24,696 --> 00:14:26,363
Not too bad.
332
00:14:26,364 --> 00:14:29,166
I see you ordered
the fancy figure 327.
333
00:14:29,167 --> 00:14:30,734
Solid bra,
334
00:14:30,735 --> 00:14:32,903
A bra with its feet
on the ground.
335
00:14:32,904 --> 00:14:35,439
A real man's bra.
[laughs]
336
00:14:35,440 --> 00:14:37,808
Ah, look at that...
337
00:14:39,978 --> 00:14:43,313
And they wonder
why we call 'em queens.
338
00:14:43,314 --> 00:14:47,050
Yeah...There ought to be a law.
339
00:14:47,051 --> 00:14:48,486
Woman: Pops! Phone.
340
00:14:48,487 --> 00:14:50,888
It's your wife.
341
00:14:50,889 --> 00:14:53,090
Nag, nag, nag,
eh, buddy?
[laughs]
342
00:14:53,091 --> 00:14:54,091
Sheesh.
343
00:15:02,066 --> 00:15:04,334
Well, nice try, marce,
344
00:15:04,335 --> 00:15:05,603
But now
the right one lifts,
345
00:15:05,604 --> 00:15:08,005
And the left one
cradles.
346
00:15:08,006 --> 00:15:09,006
Till now,
347
00:15:09,007 --> 00:15:10,975
The guys have
always worked as a team.
348
00:15:10,976 --> 00:15:12,776
Well, this is just
to tide you over
349
00:15:12,777 --> 00:15:14,311
Till you find
the one you want.
350
00:15:14,312 --> 00:15:16,146
That's what mother
said about al.
351
00:15:16,147 --> 00:15:18,348
Now look at me.
352
00:15:18,349 --> 00:15:19,650
Thinking of al
353
00:15:19,651 --> 00:15:21,451
Is not going to
help anyone.
354
00:15:21,452 --> 00:15:22,452
[doorbell rings]
355
00:15:22,453 --> 00:15:23,453
Yeah, you're right,
356
00:15:23,454 --> 00:15:25,355
But I can't help it.
357
00:15:25,356 --> 00:15:27,357
I feel lower
than I did on our honeymoon
358
00:15:27,358 --> 00:15:29,793
When I realized
al wasn't holding back.
359
00:15:31,563 --> 00:15:35,566
Oh, I'm sorry. Kelly's not home.
360
00:15:35,567 --> 00:15:37,267
Mrs. Bundy?
361
00:15:37,268 --> 00:15:38,435
Yes.
362
00:15:38,436 --> 00:15:40,804
You're under arrest.
363
00:15:40,805 --> 00:15:42,640
What for?
364
00:15:42,641 --> 00:15:43,641
Parking tickets.
365
00:15:43,642 --> 00:15:45,809
Oh, well, that can't be.
366
00:15:45,810 --> 00:15:46,877
That's impossible.
367
00:15:46,878 --> 00:15:49,479
My car isn't even registered.
368
00:15:51,917 --> 00:15:54,518
Officer, isn't there something
we can do about this?
369
00:15:54,519 --> 00:15:56,620
We can dance.
370
00:15:56,621 --> 00:15:58,321
[marcy squeals]
371
00:15:58,322 --> 00:15:59,322
[funky rock music playing]
372
00:15:59,323 --> 00:16:00,791
Happy birthday, peggy!
373
00:16:15,774 --> 00:16:17,975
Oh, hi, al.
374
00:16:17,976 --> 00:16:19,543
I was just outside
checking the car.
375
00:16:19,544 --> 00:16:20,778
The meter's
a little low.
376
00:16:20,779 --> 00:16:23,213
I'm gonna need about $6
in quarters.
377
00:16:30,254 --> 00:16:32,623
Here are your bras, sir.
378
00:16:32,624 --> 00:16:35,593
Would you like some paddles
to go with them?
379
00:16:35,594 --> 00:16:37,394
No. I don't have
a ping-pong table.
380
00:16:41,399 --> 00:16:43,366
Excuse me, sir.
381
00:16:43,367 --> 00:16:44,434
Are you straight?
382
00:16:44,435 --> 00:16:46,870
The hairs on my chest are.
383
00:16:46,871 --> 00:16:47,871
Oh, good.
384
00:16:47,872 --> 00:16:49,506
Maybe you can help me.
385
00:16:49,507 --> 00:16:51,909
If you were my boyfriend,
would you like this?
386
00:16:57,949 --> 00:16:59,282
Will he like it?
387
00:17:02,654 --> 00:17:03,754
Or do you think
388
00:17:03,755 --> 00:17:05,155
He'd like it better
without the bra,
389
00:17:05,156 --> 00:17:06,590
Like this?
390
00:17:14,799 --> 00:17:17,501
Yeah, you're right.
391
00:17:17,502 --> 00:17:19,970
I don't need the bra.
392
00:17:29,247 --> 00:17:31,314
You know, they change
everything good.
393
00:17:31,315 --> 00:17:33,416
Remember full-service
gas stations?
394
00:17:33,417 --> 00:17:36,319
They used to give you gas,
change your oil
395
00:17:36,320 --> 00:17:38,321
And wash your windows.
396
00:17:38,322 --> 00:17:39,857
Now they just look up
your dress,
397
00:17:39,858 --> 00:17:41,058
Say, "pay before you pump,"
398
00:17:41,059 --> 00:17:43,827
And, "america, phooey."
399
00:17:43,828 --> 00:17:46,530
They do it
with tv shows too.
400
00:17:46,531 --> 00:17:47,931
Remember
mission: Impossible?
401
00:17:47,932 --> 00:17:49,332
They canceled it.
402
00:17:49,333 --> 00:17:50,868
What did they
replace it with?
403
00:17:50,869 --> 00:17:53,837
Mission: Impossible.
404
00:17:53,838 --> 00:17:55,472
I miss eight-track tapes.
405
00:18:00,578 --> 00:18:02,379
I'm not paying you
to speak, dear.
406
00:18:07,418 --> 00:18:08,585
Hi, mom.
407
00:18:08,586 --> 00:18:10,420
Dad dead?
408
00:18:14,625 --> 00:18:15,625
No.
409
00:18:15,626 --> 00:18:17,127
Well, then,
410
00:18:17,128 --> 00:18:21,498
I guess this is a good time
to discuss my new allowance.
411
00:18:21,499 --> 00:18:22,499
Don't worry, bud.
412
00:18:22,500 --> 00:18:24,301
He's just
an exotic dancer
413
00:18:24,302 --> 00:18:26,469
That mrs. Rhoades
got for mommy's birthday.
414
00:18:26,470 --> 00:18:28,505
It's just a rental.
415
00:18:30,641 --> 00:18:32,109
Hi, mom.
416
00:18:32,110 --> 00:18:33,977
Dad dead?
417
00:18:35,580 --> 00:18:37,280
Just in spirit.
418
00:18:37,281 --> 00:18:39,282
Well...I gotta go.
419
00:18:39,283 --> 00:18:41,218
Bar exam tomorrow.
420
00:18:49,493 --> 00:18:51,661
Happy birthday,
ma'am.
421
00:18:51,662 --> 00:18:54,297
You're very gifted.
422
00:18:54,298 --> 00:18:55,632
Mind if I get dressed upstairs?
423
00:18:55,633 --> 00:18:56,633
Oh, yeah.
424
00:18:56,634 --> 00:18:57,968
First door
on the right.
425
00:18:57,969 --> 00:19:00,037
Just follow
the trail of tears.
426
00:19:03,808 --> 00:19:05,008
[clears throat]
427
00:19:07,345 --> 00:19:08,879
I know it's anticlimactic,
428
00:19:08,880 --> 00:19:11,615
But we got you
some presents too.
429
00:19:11,616 --> 00:19:15,385
Oh, you didn't
have to do that.
430
00:19:15,386 --> 00:19:18,488
I told you
we didn't have to do this.
431
00:19:18,489 --> 00:19:20,057
Why do I listen to you?
432
00:19:20,058 --> 00:19:21,058
It's mom's birthday.
433
00:19:21,059 --> 00:19:22,425
Drop dead, will you?
434
00:19:22,426 --> 00:19:24,795
Here.
Open mine first.
435
00:19:24,796 --> 00:19:25,829
Ohhh...
436
00:19:29,968 --> 00:19:34,271
Al jolson's
greatest hits.
437
00:19:34,272 --> 00:19:35,672
Oh, honey.
438
00:19:35,673 --> 00:19:37,174
It's a 78.
439
00:19:37,175 --> 00:19:39,042
[laughs]
440
00:19:43,281 --> 00:19:45,382
I knew
kelly's would bomb.
441
00:19:45,383 --> 00:19:48,118
Now, open mine.
442
00:19:48,119 --> 00:19:50,520
Unlike kelly, I knew you were
down about your birthday,
443
00:19:50,521 --> 00:19:53,157
So I got you something
to make you feel better.
444
00:19:53,158 --> 00:19:57,427
Mrs. Yesterday's
wrinkle remover?
445
00:19:57,428 --> 00:20:00,230
"smear the years away."
446
00:20:00,231 --> 00:20:01,631
You know, I'm telling you,
447
00:20:01,632 --> 00:20:03,600
When you got your family,
you've got it all.
448
00:20:03,601 --> 00:20:05,068
Kids...
449
00:20:05,069 --> 00:20:08,338
No supper tonight.
Get out.
450
00:20:10,108 --> 00:20:11,108
That settles it.
451
00:20:11,109 --> 00:20:12,776
I'm a bachelor for life.
452
00:20:12,777 --> 00:20:14,477
And a virgin.
453
00:20:18,316 --> 00:20:19,449
Dad, if you're smart,
454
00:20:19,450 --> 00:20:21,051
You'll toss the present
like a hand grenade
455
00:20:21,052 --> 00:20:23,854
And sleep
at the bus station like us.
456
00:20:23,855 --> 00:20:25,889
Al, it's my birthday.
457
00:20:25,890 --> 00:20:27,257
Where have you been?
458
00:20:27,258 --> 00:20:28,558
Oconomowoc.
459
00:20:30,594 --> 00:20:31,829
Francine's?
460
00:20:33,497 --> 00:20:35,365
I don't know.
461
00:20:35,366 --> 00:20:36,900
Have you been
a good little girl?
462
00:20:36,901 --> 00:20:39,602
Yes, I have. Yes, I have!
463
00:20:39,603 --> 00:20:41,939
Oh, steve.
464
00:20:41,940 --> 00:20:44,141
I've been bad.
465
00:20:48,012 --> 00:20:49,746
I've been very bad.
466
00:20:49,747 --> 00:20:52,916
Well, come on, then.
467
00:20:56,620 --> 00:20:58,755
Yeah, that's a healthy marriage.
468
00:21:00,391 --> 00:21:02,092
Guess what I got you.
469
00:21:02,093 --> 00:21:03,861
A senior citizen's
bus pass?
470
00:21:06,831 --> 00:21:08,899
[sighs]
471
00:21:08,900 --> 00:21:11,034
Oh, al!
472
00:21:11,035 --> 00:21:14,238
It's my fancy figure 327.
473
00:21:14,239 --> 00:21:15,538
I can't believe this.
474
00:21:15,539 --> 00:21:16,874
You found it.
475
00:21:16,875 --> 00:21:17,875
I got 10 of them,
476
00:21:17,876 --> 00:21:19,176
So as long as they live,
477
00:21:19,177 --> 00:21:21,811
The guys will always have
a roof over their heads.
478
00:21:21,812 --> 00:21:23,881
Oh, al...
479
00:21:23,882 --> 00:21:26,449
You are the sweetest man
in the whole world.
480
00:21:26,450 --> 00:21:27,450
I know.
481
00:21:27,451 --> 00:21:30,087
Oh, honey.
482
00:21:30,088 --> 00:21:31,321
Where did you
get the handcuffs?
483
00:21:31,322 --> 00:21:32,589
Oh...
484
00:21:32,590 --> 00:21:35,192
They were a gift.
485
00:21:35,193 --> 00:21:39,329
Al, you don't think
I'm getting old, do you?
486
00:21:39,330 --> 00:21:41,564
Peg, you look
just the way you did
487
00:21:41,565 --> 00:21:42,699
The day I married you.
488
00:21:42,700 --> 00:21:45,769
Only difference is
today I'm not dead drunk.
489
00:21:47,638 --> 00:21:50,274
Oh, al.
490
00:21:50,275 --> 00:21:51,308
All right, peg,
491
00:21:51,309 --> 00:21:53,810
We both know
this isn't the end of it.
492
00:21:53,811 --> 00:21:54,978
Let's get to it.
493
00:21:54,979 --> 00:21:57,147
Let's go upstairs.
494
00:21:57,148 --> 00:21:58,148
See, you're
never satisfied.
495
00:21:58,149 --> 00:21:59,950
Do you know
what I had to go through
496
00:21:59,951 --> 00:22:01,151
To get that present?
497
00:22:01,152 --> 00:22:02,986
I had to drive
to wisconsin.
498
00:22:02,987 --> 00:22:06,523
I had to reassure steve
that I find him attractive.
499
00:22:06,524 --> 00:22:08,858
I had to sit
in the store for an hour
500
00:22:08,859 --> 00:22:10,827
And look
at nothing but, uh...
501
00:22:15,199 --> 00:22:16,766
Yeah, let's go upstairs.
502
00:22:18,903 --> 00:22:20,404
[laughs]
503
00:22:23,474 --> 00:22:24,641
[giggles]
504
00:22:36,287 --> 00:22:39,489
Al:
Peg, who's the cop
with his pants on backwards?
505
00:22:42,760 --> 00:22:43,693
[♪]